I try to tell my family and friends that its a new idea I had for community outreach, but I don't think their buying it.

I recently was given a set of golf clubs and soon discovered why people (who by all other accounts were perfectly well-adjusted) become passionately unhinged over a sport that was obviously created to frustrate even the most patient of souls.  It drives me crazy, but I can't stop wanting to try and hit that stupid ball as straight and as far as I can!  What is wrong with me?  Golf always seemed so pretentious, and it is!  Who, in their right frame of mind, would actually think they have the control and the skill to hit that dumb, dimpled ball anywhere close to where they hope it will end up?!  And yet I don't want to stop trying.  I tell myself I do it to "let off some steam," to relax, to expend some of my stored up stress-load, but honestly, this futile attempt at gaining mastery over a small plastic ball with a long metal club sometimes pushes me right over the edge!  I might as well have a rock strapped on to a stick and be swinging at the "gum-balls" that fall out of the neighbor's tree into my yard!  (I'd look just as silly, but my yard would be a little more kept...)

Anyway, I got to thinking as I was reflecting over this newly-found hobby.  So many times this is what my life has been like!  One moment I think I've finally mastered some area of my life that needed attention, and then BAM!!, I'm right back to the same old habit, or attitude, or negative way of looking at things.  I dive back into my old divets and wonder why the outcome only made it about 6 feet from the tee.  But just like golf, the answer usually lies in my own two hands, and in my head.  I'd like to blame the wind, the sun in my eyes, the arthritis in my knuckles, or my dog barking while I was trying to focus, but truth be told, it was probably the way I gripped the club too tightly, and the way I was over-thinking my swing. 

 Too often, I forget to let God have control; let Him make the changes in me, and I end up right back where I started.  I grip to tightly, instead of just relaxing, and letting God handle it.  I over-think the whole process even though God's Word tells me plainly, "Lean not on your own understanding..."  The lousy results seem to mock me, just like that stupid little ball that now lies only about 6 feet from where I whiffed it. 

I feel I'll never have the confidence to go to an actual golf-course, so I just stay right here in my own front yard, hoping beyond hope to be able to hit the ball over those trees into that open field across the road on a consistent basis.  (Trust me, the people driving by hope for this as well!)  It's these personal struggles that sometimes beat on us the hardest.  And yet the Bible shows me time and time again that God is full of mercy and grace.  Whether or not, I feel like I am "the man for the job" doesn't really matter.  What matters is that I am being obedient, and truly seeking God's spirit in whatever I do, say, think and feel.  It is then that He can use me to the furtherment of His kingdom, and it is then that I can truly begin to grow. 

God, help me to relax, to let your thoughts be my thoughts, and by the way, please don't let the ball hit my neighbor-lady across the street.